My wife is currently reading a book titled How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. She reads it, and then she talks to me about it. Which seems to me to defeat the point. But whatever. We've been to marriage counseling before, and I'm on board with improving things, whether through talking or the silent treatment. It's just that Lindsay sometimes makes it confusing about which we're doing.
This was the conversation that we just had:
Lindsay: Take this survey.Lindsay proceeds to talk about our marriage.
Me: What for?
Lindsay: It measures your fear and shame in our relationship.
Me: I'm busy right now.
Lindsay: Let me explain why you are not too busy to take this survey.
Me: I thought we weren't supposed to be talking about this stuff.She actually said that. And it's definitely going to come back to bite her. I don't know much about history, or biology, or a science book, or the French I took, but I definitely know a good button to push when I come across it.
Lindsay: We're not talking about it.
Me: We are. We're talking about it right now. I remember, because I was here when the conversation started five minutes ago, and it's still going.
Lindsay: I'm just saying words. They don't mean anything. (sudden silence)
So I took the survey, and I look forward to deconstructing it with Lindsay later tonight, perhaps paired with a little defensiveness and stonewalling, after which we'll try some active listening and then we'll hug it out.