It lets you sneak around the lives of your friends (and enemies) without actually having to speak to them. Or smell them. Or be in the same room together. Or even in the same state. This, my readers, is like the holy grail of the socially awkward. I'm talking about myself. The only thing science can do to one-up this is hovercars.
Also, on the off-chance you actually want to interact with another person, it can be done by pressing a "like" button. Or if you're really craving intimacy, you can always type a witty sentence fragment and press enter.
People post a lot of boring pictures of food.
You will be fired from your job after posting pictures of yourself doing keg stands after the kids go to bed. Then, you will be fired from your family after the wife sees the pictures. Then, you will have to live beneath an overpass until you catch pneumonia and die.
Nonetheless, I have decided to start a Facebook page. I'm not sure why. I was bored. I saw other cool kids doing it. And sometimes Addison says something that I just want to share, but I don't feel like turning it into a full-blown post. Like the other day when she told us that her ice cream "hurt my feelings." I think she was experiencing a brain-freeze.
So, unless you're too cool for technology (in which case, no hovercars for you, ever), pop on over and "like" my page, and we'll crash the Facebook party. This is new for me, so let's just test it out a little bit and see how it goes. At least until those kegger pictures surface, in which case maybe some of y'all will visit me under the bridge.