Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The sound of a heart breaking


Conversations from the past week, as seen on the Facebook Page:
Me (for the twentieth time): Eat that little bite of quesedilla, please. PLEASE.

Addison (whine-crying): I want to get down!

Me: Just eat your last two bites!

Addison (muttered under her breath): My heart got breaked.

Me: What?

Addison (slightly louder, but still deadpan): You are making my heart die.

Me (stifling an exasperated laugh): Where did you learn that?

Addison (muttered, not looking at me): I don't know.

Me (trying not to make a big deal out of it): Okay, just eat your last two bites. You asked for them.

Addison (muttered): My heart died.

Me: Do you even know what you're talking about?

Addison (barely audible): No.

Finally, I got her out of her seat, and started throwing away her bites of quesedilla. She freaks out.

Addison (screaming): I wanted those beans!

Me: I am not happy with you right now. You should have eaten them when I asked you to. Now, since you've been so difficult, I'd like you to go sit against the wall while I clean up the mess you made smearing beans on everything.

Addison (against the wall): My back is hurting.

Me: Maybe it's because you're being so contrary.

Addison
(muttered): My body is dying right now.

Me: What are you talking about?

Addison (loudly): I am NOT happy about this.

So, two things:

1. I have a little mutterer.
2. If I already made her heart die at three, does that mean she won't have any heart for me to kill when she becomes a teenager? Please tell me yes.

________________________________________


At bed-time last night, following the demise of her little heart at dinner time, Addison asked Lindsay for a different kind of bedtime song: 
Lindsay: What kind of song would you like? 
Addison: I wanna bad guy song. 
Lindsay: Okay... 
Addison: About punching people in the eyes. Like this... 
a pause to collect her thoughts 
Addison (singing): Punching people in the eyes. That's so beautiful. It's so beautiful. 
Lindsay, too tired to argue, says "okay" and sings it back to Addison. She gets up to leave. 
Addison: No, you forgot spraying people in the eyes. 
commences waving arms like a conductor... 
Addison: Spraying people in the eyes. That's so beautiful. It's so beautiful. 
Note to self: do not go near daughter without eye protection. Also, stop making her heart die.

22 comments:

  1. OMG - you have got your hands full. LOL

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    Replies
    1. That's the truth, Samantha. That's the truth.

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  2. I've been here man. (You will get through this...and then puberty hits.)

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    Replies
    1. If we prune them enough, can we stop their growth just short of puberty?

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  3. I love this! but I wouldn't sleep with the door open if you ever make her really angry

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    1. The doors are always closed here, Alexander. It's only prudent.

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  4. Your daughter is a hoot! Of course mine would have been funny to other people, too, when they were threeteens! ;-)

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  5. That's so funny! :D I love the term "threenager" too.

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    Replies
    1. I only wish it didn't have to describe what we've got on our hands here...

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  6. I will be sure to sing that eye punch song to my kids!

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    Replies
    1. At your own risk, Maggie. At your own risk.

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  7. Stay on her good side, man!

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    Replies
    1. If I coddle her too much, then I get on my wife's bad side. It's a horrible Catch-22.

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  8. Threenager---that's great! And the things she says! I can't go over them. Unreal!

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    Replies
    1. It's a fun word to say...but a little less fun to parent.

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  9. She is so funny! skyler and I laugh so much because she reminds us so much of Eliza! Especially the complaining about eating but getting upset when you do something with her food... That happened yesterday.

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    Replies
    1. It's like they're all part of some evil club where they decide as a group how they're going to push our buttons.

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  10. Wow.

    My daughter gets a kick out of physical humor like anyone else, but you Addison seems to have her beat, just in envisioning the specifics.

    And, god, the "too tired to put up a fight."

    Fortunately, Leila hasn't figured out broken hearts yet (though I would be interested to know where she picked that up from)

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    Replies
    1. John, I think it's a piece of code that may always have been part of her DNA; something just activated it inside of her. Something like not getting to eat her last bite of Quesedilla. Who knew?

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