Conversations from the past week, as seen on the Facebook Page:
Me (for the twentieth time): Eat that little bite of quesedilla, please. PLEASE.
Addison (whine-crying): I want to get down!
Me: Just eat your last two bites!
Addison (muttered under her breath): My heart got breaked.
Addison (slightly louder, but still deadpan): You are making my heart die.
Me (stifling an exasperated laugh): Where did you learn that?
Addison (muttered, not looking at me): I don't know.
Me (trying not to make a big deal out of it): Okay, just eat your last two bites. You asked for them.
Addison (muttered): My heart died.
Me: Do you even know what you're talking about?
Addison (barely audible): No.
Finally, I got her out of her seat, and started throwing away her bites of quesedilla. She freaks out.
Addison (screaming): I wanted those beans!
Me: I am not happy with you right now. You should have eaten them when I asked you to. Now, since you've been so difficult, I'd like you to go sit against the wall while I clean up the mess you made smearing beans on everything.
Addison (against the wall): My back is hurting.
Me: Maybe it's because you're being so contrary.
Addison (muttered): My body is dying right now.
Me: What are you talking about?
Addison (loudly): I am NOT happy about this.
So, two things:
1. I have a little mutterer.
2. If I already made her heart die at three, does that mean she won't have any heart for me to kill when she becomes a teenager? Please tell me yes.
At bed-time last night, following the demise of her little heart at dinner time, Addison asked Lindsay for a different kind of bedtime song:
Lindsay: What kind of song would you like?
Addison: I wanna bad guy song.
Addison: About punching people in the eyes. Like this...
a pause to collect her thoughts
Addison (singing): Punching people in the eyes. That's so beautiful. It's so beautiful.
Lindsay, too tired to argue, says "okay" and sings it back to Addison. She gets up to leave.
Addison: No, you forgot spraying people in the eyes.
commences waving arms like a conductor...
Addison: Spraying people in the eyes. That's so beautiful. It's so beautiful.
Note to self: do not go near daughter without eye protection. Also, stop making her heart die.