Thursday, March 7, 2013

The things you do for love

Now that Addison is spending more time (see here, here, here and here) on the potty -- you know, crocheting sweaters and choreographing sit-down dances -- it's probably inevitable that every once in a while something falls in. The other day it was two crayons. She looked at me with anguish.
My crayons!
And I looked at her with sympathy, but firmly said,
That's what happens when you drop things. Now let's not let that happen again.
Her lips quivered, but I was proud of the way she kept it together as I flushed the vivid color-makers away. It's a lesson that we all have to learn.

Unfortunately, not everything can be flushed. Like this Rapunzel domino.

I cringe every time she asks for something to play with on the potty. Because I know something's gonna make a splashdown sooner or later. And if it's big, and if Lindsay's not around, I'll have to go after it myself.

But there's not much choice, is there? If I want her to stop leaving me fragrant surprises in her pantaloons, I've gotta do what it takes to keep her on the pot. I just know that if we ever have another kid, I'm going to lobby for an industrial strength airline toilet. Something that seals around the edges for a massive suction effect. I don't know why it kills me so much; I spent years cleaning this kid's poo off of my hands with every other diaper change. But reaching into a toilet to retrieve something is about the most terrifying thing I do these days. I'm a real hero.


  1. Better to fish one toy out of the toilet then multiple poops out of the bathtub. This is from someone who has done both.

    1. That's a logical argument, but I have done both too and for some reason I find the toilet bowl ickier. I probably had a traumatic run-in with a toilet as a kid, which I've blocked out. Now, if it was poop juice in the bathtub...then I'd be on your side.

  2. Replies
    1. Yes, yes I do. But not made out of poop. I'll pass on that.

  3. Wear gloves...that you only wear for that purpose.

    When we build a house, we intend to have a composting toilet. Anyone loses something non-organic down there (keys, wallet...) and it'll be a case of "call us in 6 to 12 months when it's turned into harmless fertiliser" - the type we're planning on has a chamber that you swap out every 6 months or when it's full then leave in the sun for 6 months to complete the breakdown process.