Thursday, May 2, 2013

Eating babies, awful smells, and hating quiet time

The roundup of recent conversations:

I grab my daughter's arm in two hands and hold it up to my chomping teeth. 
Me: Mmmm. Somebody smells good enough to eat. 
Addison: Hey! That is MY arm! 
Me: And it smells soooo good. I will just take a little bite. 
Addison: It will hurt! 
Me: Probably. 
Addison: You cannot do that! You need to go downstairs and eat real food. I am NOT real food. I am people, and we DON'T! EAT! PEOPLE! 
Me (dropping her arm): Ah, nuts. I guess you're right. 
Addison (sternly): Say sorry, daddy. 
Me (sheepishly): Sorry.

During the middle of our walk around the block: 
Addison: I need to stop.  
Me: Why? 
Addison: My bum says it is tired. Will you carry me?

Addison (frowning): Something is awful. I have an awful smell in my nose. 
Me: What? What is it? 
Addison: Maybe it was the beans and cheese last night. 
Me: And that's why it really hurts. You did it to yourself. 
Addison (quietly): Yeah.
Heard my daughter shouting and I went in to the family room to see what was going on. 
Me: Were you shouting for me? 
Addison: No, I was shouting "MAP!"  
A voice on the TV asks where a backpack is located. 
Addison (screamed): THE LEFT SIDE! THE LEFT SIDE! 
Dora, you're gonna make my daughter a lot of fun for her first school teacher.

Addison is in quiet time and she is not very happy about it.
Me: You haven't been in quiet time very long. Everyone needs to do quiet time to recharge their batteries. 
Addison: I don't have batteries! 
Me: It's an expression. 
Addison: My expression is MAD! 
Me: I can see that. But the more you speak mean to me, the longer you will be in quiet time. 
Addison: That is NOT a nice attitude. 
Me: Yours or mine? 
Addison: Just all of them! 
She's pouting in the corner now, and every time I go over to look, she shoots laser bolts of rage from her eyes. I think she's saying mean things about me to her bunny, but if I get close enough to hear, I'll have to discipline her. So I'm keeping my distance.

And then 20 minutes later...

Addison: My bunny very very wants to come out of quiet time.
Me: Tell your bunny that he needs to wait until the timer dings. 
Addison: No! I won't tell him! 
Me: He needs to know. 
Addison: I will never, never tell him that!