The roundup of recent conversations:
I grab my daughter's arm in two hands and hold it up to my chomping teeth.
Me: Mmmm. Somebody smells good enough to eat.
Addison: Hey! That is MY arm!
Me: And it smells soooo good. I will just take a little bite.
Addison: It will hurt!
Addison: You cannot do that! You need to go downstairs and eat real food. I am NOT real food. I am people, and we DON'T! EAT! PEOPLE!
Me (dropping her arm): Ah, nuts. I guess you're right.
Addison (sternly): Say sorry, daddy.
Me (sheepishly): Sorry.
During the middle of our walk around the block:
Addison: I need to stop.
Addison: My bum says it is tired. Will you carry me?
Addison (frowning): Something is awful. I have an awful smell in my nose.
Me: What? What is it?
Addison: Maybe it was the beans and cheese last night.
Me: And that's why it really hurts. You did it to yourself.
Addison (quietly): Yeah.
Heard my daughter shouting and I went in to the family room to see what was going on.
Me: Were you shouting for me?
Addison: No, I was shouting "MAP!"
A voice on the TV asks where a backpack is located.
Addison (screamed): THE LEFT SIDE! THE LEFT SIDE!
Dora, you're gonna make my daughter a lot of fun for her first school teacher.
Addison is in quiet time and she is not very happy about it.
Addison: I JUST WANT TO COME OUT.
Me: You haven't been in quiet time very long. Everyone needs to do quiet time to recharge their batteries.
Addison: I don't have batteries!
Me: It's an expression.
Addison: My expression is MAD!
Me: I can see that. But the more you speak mean to me, the longer you will be in quiet time.
Addison: That is NOT a nice attitude.
Me: Yours or mine?
Addison: Just all of them!
She's pouting in the corner now, and every time I go over to look, she shoots laser bolts of rage from her eyes. I think she's saying mean things about me to her bunny, but if I get close enough to hear, I'll have to discipline her. So I'm keeping my distance.
And then 20 minutes later...
Addison: My bunny very very wants to come out of quiet time.
Me: Tell your bunny that he needs to wait until the timer dings.
Addison: No! I won't tell him!
Me: He needs to know.
Addison: I will never, never tell him that!