Thursday, April 25, 2013

Check out my new store!

For the past week or two I've been polishing up some comics for my new store, which you can reach at: 

I took a poll on my Facebook page for everyone's favorite comics. Then I took a couple of those and a few of my own favorites (the much-overlooked -- and sometimes maligned (mostly by my wife) -- raisin/chocolate chip comic, for instance) and spent stupid amounts of time getting stuff centered and cropped and fixing resolution problems. So, head over to the store and take a look around! Maybe even buy something! And I even get a percentage of sales if you go through the link above and end up buying someone else's stuff, so that's cool (for us, I mean).

My wife and I hardly ever buy stuff (I think the last time either of us bought clothes was maybe four years ago), so it's kind of hard for us to measure what might really be of interest to people. If the prices seem higher than what you'd pay at a street kiosk in Chinatown . . . just remember that you're supporting my zebra cake charity, in which I seek funds to buy myself lots and lots of zebra cakes. Or maybe if I make a LOT of money, I can finally buy some clothes for our family from my own store. Too bad Zazzle doesn't sell pants.

If there are any comics that you'd still like to see in the store on some product or another, let me know! If anyone actually buys any of this stuff, I'll continue adding comics and announcing new additions. If you want to leave some nice comments on the store page, that's cool too (for me, I mean).

Also, Pinterest! I still don't really know what I'm doing on Pinterest, but if you're looking for a great way to waste time and have nothing to show for it three hours later, I highly recommend giving it a shot. I post my comics on there from time to time, and spend a lot of time searching for obscure artists and pictures of home libraries and whatnot.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

On being missed, falling off bridges, and high-stakes negotiations

The final batch of conversations with my daughter from the last couple weeks:


My daughter wakes up, knocks on my door, and when I open it, says, 
"I missed you, Daddy. I missed you."

When Addison and I were looking at my Darth Vader April Fool's comic: 
Addison: Why mama make you fall off that bridge? 
Me: Um. Are you saying that mama is Darth Vader? 
Addison (stabbing a finger at me): Yes. And she is mad. Probably you were NOT obedient.

Addison: Can I come out of quiet time now? I need to go to a meeting. 
Me: Oh really. Where's your meeting? 
Addison (waving vaguely at the horizon): Oh, somewhere. 
Me: Very reassuring. Well, you can come out in twenty minutes. 
Addison (stretching her hand up above her head to show how she is measuring): But that number is SO high. See? 
Me: I see what you mean. 
Addison: How about five minutes? 
Me (bending down to show how low her number is): Oh, but that is too small. See? How about 19 minutes. 
Addison (resigned): Okay. That will be fine.

Addison: Daddy, I wish you were small so you could fit into small places with me. 
I wish that too, kiddo. I wish that too.

Addison, her head on the table, demoralized. In front of her sits a plate of vegetables. 
Addison (moaned): I wish vegetables were sugar. 

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Trading families, hungry spiders, and professions of love

While on a walk the other day: 
Addison (decisively): I will stay in this family. 
Lindsay: Good, we like you. 
Turning the corner, Addison sees a house with old, sad-looking drapes in the window. Lindsay tells me someone elderly recently died there. 
Addison (pointing at the house): Naw, I will go with THAT family. 
It was nice while it lasted, kid.
We're having another spider conversation over here (Addison watched Charlotte's Web last week). 
Addison: I love spider babies! 
Me: Why? 
Addison: Because they be on my nose and tickle me. 
Me: I see. What do they tell you? 
Addison (whispered): We need food. 
Brave kid. When spiders are crawling on my face, I do not wait to see if they have something to say.
The other night at bedtime, I whispered in my daughter's ear, "I have something to tell you." 
Addison: What? Tell me! 
Me (whispered in her ear): I love you so, so much. 
Addison: That's pretty nice. I have something to tell you, too. 
Me: Okay . . . 
Addison (whispered in my ear): I love you so much and your voice is like ice cream. 
This kid, always one-upping me with her love. Also . . . she wants to eat me.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Young love, dangerous cleanliness, and singing your emotions

The past couple of weeks were full of conversations I don't want to lose track of, so I'm going to split them up over a few days. Here's installment number one. Check out the Facebook page to see more conversations.
On the drive home from the gym: 
Me: What did you do in the kids' place today? 
Addison: There were boys, and I chased them. 
Me: Oh really? 
Addison: That's right. I'm a chaser. I chased those boys really fast. 
Me: Huh. What did you do with them once you caught them? 
Addison: I bopped them on the head. BOP! Like that. 
My wife feels like Little Bunny Foo Foo is having a bad influence on our daughter. She usually loves other kids. But my take? If she only chases boys in order to teach 'em who's boss, I'd probably be okay with that for the next 15 years or so.

My daughter just came running to me with a Q-tip. 
Addison: I will clean your ears, dad!  
Me: Since when do you like cleaning things? 
Addison: Since forever! I will clean really good! Like this! 
*makes emphatic jabbing motions with the Q-tip* 
It was a nice offer, but if I got my brains cleaned like that, I might start remembering all the things my wife's been asking me to do. Why rock the boat?

On the way home from a visit to the playground, we rocked out to The Little Mermaid soundtrack. If you're new here, my daughter likes it, just a little bit
Right before Ariel's first song, she's in a cavern looking at all her treasures (pretty similar to the junk (I mean treasure) that's filling up Addison's room, too). And Ariel says, 
Ariel: "Maybe he's right. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I just don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things could be bad." 
And cue the music: 
♫ "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?" ♫ 
Addison looks at me in the rear view mirror, as though just realizing something, and says, "Why she start singing?" 
Me: Why do YOU think she starts singing? 
Addison (raising hands in exasperation): I don't know. Doesn't make sense. 
Me: Well, I guess that's just how some people work through their pain. They sing about it, Broadway-style. 
Addison: Oh. Okay. 
If I can work this just right, maybe I'll be able to train Addison to break out in song whenever she's mad about something. The ultimate parenting Win.

Friday, April 5, 2013

To the moon or bust

Yesterday while we were pulling weeds, I asked Addison what she wanted to talk about.
Addison: How 'bout outer space? 
Me: Be still my beating heart. 
Addison: Huh? 
Me: I'm just proud of you. How about I tell you about airplanes and the Wright brothers and then about the space race and how the first man landed on the moon? 
Addison: Yeah! That one!
So my three-year-old sat cross-legged on the grass while I worked on getting weeds out by their roots.
Me: So, the Wright Brothers made lots and lots of mistakes. But they tried really hard, and they never gave up, and that's why they ended up flying the first airplane. 
Addison: Sometimes I make mistakes too! 
Me: I know. We all do. That's okay.
For the next twenty minutes, she sat very, very still while I gave her a vague but passionate history of space-flight. And we ended this way:
Me: And N.A.S.A made lots of mistakes. But do you want to know how Neil Armstrong finally ended up walking on the moon? 
Addison: I know! He would never, never give up! 
Me: You're a smart cookie. 
Addison: I want a cookie. 
Me: Nice try.
Here she is, trying to escape earth's orbit. No swing is gonna keep her tethered to the earth.

Monday, April 1, 2013